{Review} The Immortals series by Alyson Noel

Now let's talk about the worst YA series I've ever read.

Yes, I read through all that.

I guess I just liked the torture.

Rating: No stars. For each of them.

Ever Bloom is the only survivor in her family's car crash, and after the accident she mysteriously inherited psychic powers. She can see people's auras, see ghosts, read people's minds, etc. Ever moves in with her aunt Sabine in California, where she chooses to become an outcast in her school because she hates her powers. She wears a hood over her head everyday and drowns herself in iPod music. And then Damen Auguste comes to her school, and Ever is incredibly drawn to him. She soon finds out that Damen is an immortal, and he and Ever have been together in each of her past lives, but it always ends with Ever dying a horrible death.

Thoughts: There will be spoilers in this review, but you know, who the fuck cares?


I wasted my time reading this whole series, because it was basically for nothing. I recently realized that all of Ever's "struggles" in this series are only for the sole purpose so that she can break the curse that's been preventing them to have sex. Thus eventually having sex. Which they do, in the last book's ending, predictably.

Ever is the stupidest heroine in the history of YA. Every book ends with her making stupid choice after stupid choice. In Blue Moon, she listened to the bad guy, thus unleashing the curse that I was talking about earlier. In the third book, she chose to save her "best friend" Haven (who was actually a poser bitch that was barely even nice to her) over curing the curse, and by saving her she made her an immortal as well, which I could not get over.

Damen Auguste. Arrogant, muscular, perfect, rich. He can paint better than Picasso. He's absolutely perfect and flawless in every way possible. He's also a controlling and selfish douchebag that irritates me to no end. Honestly, that's why he and Ever are perfect for each other. Because they're both so equally annoying.

And this curse thing. God, it dragged on and on for like four books with no resolution. Basically, at the end of book two, Ever listens to the villain─yet another example of her utter stupidity─and ends up getting tricked by him. Sure, she cures Damen of this "disease" that the villain put on him, but there's a catch: they won't be able to touch or "transfer DNA". Meaning, they won't be able to fuck. Of course, Ever is all freaking out about it cause she thinks that if they don't fuck sooner or later Damen will leave her, since all hot guys are like that, aren't they?


Throughout the rest of the books, all Ever wants is to get the antidote, but due to her making stupid choices in every book, it never works out. And I think during book three or four or something, Damen starts to be a little more minimalistic─dressing less fancy, getting rid of his expensive car, etc─and you know what Ever does?


She whines about it.

Damen is actually making an effort to get rid of his cocky, arrogant self, and you whine about it? My god, do you guys SEE how absolutely ridiculous her stupidity is? I wanted to just reach into the page and knock some sense into her.


But back to the whole antidote thing, when I saw the cover for book five, Night Star, I thought "Wow, is she finally going to get that stupid antidote already?"

Chuck Testa.

And you know how she gets this "antidote"? She doesn't. It turns out that there's this magical tree with a magical fruit that when you eat it, it makes you "truly immortal". In other words, able to fuck. And I'm not making this up, by the way. It's actually how it goes.

So in the end, they do fuck. And that's it. Done. Ever claims that they're now "truly together" and everyone lives happily ever after.

So what was the message Alyson Noel gave? You have to have sex with someone to be "truly together" with them. What a powerful, inspiring message for young readers everywhere. Bravo, Ms. Noel.

To put it shortly, this series is about two selfish people who want so badly to have sex. And also, I think that this series is nothing but a waste. A waste of time, space, paper, pretty much everything you can think of. It was an absolute waste, and you would be smart to completely avoid it.


Save yourselves.