{DNF Review} Of Poseidon by Anna Banks

Title: Of Poseidon
Author: Anna Banks
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends
Series: Of Poseidon, #1
Release Date: May 22nd, 2012
Pages: 336 (Hardcover)
Source: Bought
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

Galen is the prince of the Syrena, sent to land to find a girl he's heard can communicate with fish. Emma is on vacation at the beach. When she runs into Galen — literally, ouch! — both teens sense a connection. But it will take several encounters, including a deadly one with a shark, for Galen to be convinced of Emma's gifts. Now, if he can only convince Emma that she holds the key to his kingdom . . . Told from both Emma and Galen's points of view, here is a fish-out-of-water story that sparkles with intrigue, humor, and waves of romance.

Cover Impressions: Yet another one of those "siren" covers. Stunning, gorgeous, alluring, yet hiding something horrifying underneath.

Thoughts: I made it about 130-something pages before I decided that I could not stand to suffer through this book anymore.

What bothered me right off the bat was the writing style. It alternates between Emma's and Galen's POVs, but get this: Emma's chapters are first person, while Galen's are third. I mean... WHY? Just, WHY? Why do there have to be both styles? Why can't Galen's chapters be first person or Emma's be third? And it's not like Galen's chapters had anyone else's POVs but his. It frustrated me to no end.

And then of course the token black best friend (who even has a weave) dies about three chapters later. Funny thing is, in the first chapter Emma was talking about Chloe's funeral. Jokingly, of course, because Chloe at the time was "embarrassing" Emma in front of the oh-so-hot Galen. What a coincidence that Chloe actually does die a few chapters later.

Emma is pathetic. She's a serial-blusher (seriously, in 100 pages she managed to blush about 352 billion times) and the epitome of a Mary Sue. She can never stand up for herself, always needing Galen to save her and give her "tingles".

Oh God, I haven't even started yet. There's so much fail in this book, it's overwhelming.

The mermaids are supposed to eat fish. Apparently if they don't, they're not mermaids.  Or, pardon me, Syrena, as this book calls them. Can you say Cannibalism? What kind of logic is that?

The characters were all so cartoonish, they never felt like real people. Rayna's this bitter feminist, Rachel's this happy-go-lucky aunt or whatever who calls people "babe" and "sweetie" and "darling" and all that crap, and Toraf is just this smirks-a-lot funnyman. They were just so unrealistic that it was hard to take this book seriously.

Galen's your usual arrogant, controlling bastard. He even told Emma to "obey" him because he's Royal. And she didn't even seem to mind. The insta-love was painful. They feel tingles every time they're near, electric currents when they touch─

OH GOD MAKE IT STOP.

Ugh, I can't. I'm so mad again now. This book isn't the hilarious kind of bad, it's the kind of horrible that just makes you wanna pull all your fucking hair out. This is probably the biggest disappointment of the year for me, cause I was so looking forward to this the first time I saw the cover.

Those fails I just mentioned are only half the ones in the book. Literally. Who knows what else fails lie beyond the 130-something pages that I read?

I don't give a crap. I'm not staying around to see, thank you very much.